Once again I feel like I have hit a wall in gaming, and I don't know how to get past it.  Really it is more like a plateau, where I am fixated at this specific altitude, and no amount of climbing will get me anywhere.  This is especially prominent in SFxT which is short for Street Fighter X Tekken.

I used to play a Rolento/Hugo team, and I was mildly successful, but that got boring, and I wasn't able to capitalize on some of the game mechanics, so I dropped that team for Jin/Lili, my current team.  Jin, is an exceptionally technical character.  I cannot for the life of me execute some of his more advanced maneuvers, and what I can perform I cannot perform consistently.  Lili, is also somewhat technical, but I don't play her optimally.  I tend to take a lot of risk, and use a lot of unsafe moves.

Lately, I noticed that my performance is even less consistent than usual.  I am just not executing as well as I know I am capable of.  Part of it is coming from the pressure.  I recently reached C+ rank, so now when I go into matchmaking about half the time I am facing people with a B rank.  To get a C+ rank you need 2500 Battle Points, but to get to a B rank you need 5000 Battle Points.  This is significant because as you go higher it becomes harder to rise up so going from 0 to 2500 is much easier than going from 2500 to 5000, even though the point discrepancy is the same.  Part of the reason is that as your rank goes up you get less points for beating the same opponents.  Another factor that makes rising in rank harder is the quality of opponents.  As you go up, you are facing more experienced players, so that makes it harder to rise in rank.

I imagine I will adapt to the constant stream of B rank players, but for the time being it is frustrating.  See what I normally do when I play is I play until I lose.  Whenever I lose I get salty and this affects my ability to play.  If I keep playing after losing once, I tend to lose again, and I just get saltier.  This system works on the surface because it prevents me from losing too many points in any given day but it also slows my progress.

In the past I used to be able to play games for hours win or lose but it is like my personality changed.  Now losing bothers me.  It is good in a sense because now I enjoy winning more, and I'm more invested in the outcome of a match but the feeling of losing sucks more as well. 

I have actually been considering transitioning to the arcade stick because I think ultimately that will level up my game.  With my controller configuration there are a few people I cannot play ideally.  When I play I don't use the Left Bumper or Trigger, and I make the Right Trigger and Bumper the all kick and all punch button respectively.  Normally, when one presses the all kick or all punch button it does a heavy attack, but for some characters that is a special move like Vega and Zangief.  This configuration would also effect my ability to use Juri, because part of her playstyle involves holding buttons for special moves.  Part of the reason I haven't made the move to using an arcade stick is that I can get by without being able to use some characters.  Also, I am not willing to make the time commitment necessary to adjust to using the arcade stick.

SFxT is not the only game where I feel like I have reached a plateau.  I still play Gears of War 3, and I am also stumped as to how to step up my game there as well.  My Kill/Death and Win/Loss ratios are steadily dropping, and while it is not entirely my fault since it is a team game, it is a factor at least some of the time.  Granted I am almost always the lowest ranked player on my team and I do contribute by spotting and weakening enemies but I want to be able to do more. 

Interestingly, unlike SFxT I don't get salty when I lose a game in Gears.  I think part of the reason is because it is a team game.  Whenever I lose a game, I look at my performance to see how well I contributed to it.  In a team game like Gears a loss is never entirely my fault unlike SFxT where I have no one else to blame.  Also, when I play Gears I don't play ranked matches because quick matches are faster.  Since the matches are not ranked they mean less to me.  In SFxT I usually play ranked because that is the quickest way to find a match but that also means I have something to lose if I lose.

I think plateaus are a natural part of development, but they are also annoying.  I remember the plateaus I used to reach in SMASH Melee, but I also remember the accompanying epiphanies that perseverance lead to.  I am sure if I keep it up I will get better at these games but I sometimes find myself asking is it worth it?  I guess for the time being I'll have to stick with it since I have nothing else to play.

I guess I have to be patient....

I'm going to rollover and die,
If I don't try,
And lie,
To coerce myself into believing,
Life is worth a try.

Everything I express is meaningless in the grand scheme of things,
And the stream of pings,
That connected me to everyone,
Is just as meaningless.

So I should try leaning less on the people around me,
Especially those that drowned me,
For frowning see.

And they didn't even notice that I was gone before I left.

I feel like I am consciously slipping in and out of consciousness.  Maybe its the Earth's magnetic field fucking with my brain.

Or maybe I am just going insane in the membrane, who knows...